numb

So, 3 whole months since I last created and posted anything. During that time I’ve been:

busy, hopeful, sad,

heartbroken, lonely, nervous,

proud, happy, tired

That’s as much as I can manage for now. Poetry involves expressing feelings and emotions that it’s often difficult to allow to happen.

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Outside In

A hothouse orchid

is ignorant to the plight

of the wildflower

 

I’m back! It’s been a while, but the must has returned and I am writing again. Deadlines be damned! Every time I have to write an assignment or bits of my dissertation I sit at my table in front of the window and I can see into some of the flats across the road. Watching the families come in and out, and now putting up their Christmas trees, reminded me that I live alone. It’s hard not to feel a bit left out sometimes!

Confidence

So I’ve been thinking a lot recently about inspiration for creativity – I’ve written a bit about it here too. I am incredibly self-conscious in everything I do, and constantly second guess myself. Good for some things, not for others. Being creative requires a certain amount of flow – it has to be natural, sometimes spontaneous, to be really good and that can be difficult if you’re worried about being wrong/silly. So today I finally had a bit of a day off, and got home from the shops, broke out the notebook, and wrote this based on my observations and experiences in the last hour:

 

rain darkens the sky

bruised purple, night closes in

I head for shelter

 

I really, really enjoy reflecting on something as mundane as popping out to the shops and hoping to get back before the rain starts – I’m happy with that little haiku.

I kept the notebook out and wrote a silly wee sentence because I was just in the mood for writing, and realised that  I had written it in exactly 17 syllables, without trying. I fear it may be time to stop second guessing myself.

 

Damn. I just ran out of wine, but it’s raining outside. Dilemma. Hmm.

 

Narcissus

Lies we tell ourselves

stem from what others tell us,

but they’re not to blame

 
For a long time now I’ve been thinking that certain people I know are totally narcissistic. But actually I think everybody is – a bit. We all have the frightening ability to see and hear what we wish to see and hear, or at least whichever version of reality that absolves us of all blame or responsibility. I can’t make peace with a situation until I can place myself in it completely honestly, and either accept the blame or realise I’m not to blame. This isn’t easy or even always possible though.

Narcissus could only see himself. Narcissistic people can only see others through their own reflection. I think it’s important to be able to slip out of your own skin and flip a situation on its head. Unfortunately some people aren’t able to do that at all, but we should all try.

 

Humanity

Human creations,

so like nature’s own. Copies.

We’re just animals.

 

When I was 13, I joined a church group. I had so many questions about the world and about religion, and I really wanted to be part of something – to belong. That experience is probably  why I’m now so open about the fact that I consider myself non-religious. I don’t think there are many things that any religion can offer me that I can’t get elsewhere, and I’m uncomfortable with the idea of blind faith. And needless to say, many of my questions about religion went unanswered by the Baptist Christian church group.

I remember sititng in a service listening to some particularly funky young members doing some numbers on an acoustice guitar. I was so moved by what I heard that I actually had to blink back tears. The church provided the perfect acoustics to really make the guitar sing, however afterwards it was put to me that I had been moved by the Lord’s presence. No. I was moved by the music itself – by the reverberations that echoed inside my very soul, it seemed. Music is a wonderful thing, it can uplift, heal, it can make you feel whatever it chooses. This is the power of intelligent communication, common to all living thinking beings. Nature is mysterious and all-encompassing, and shouldn’t be belittled by supernatural beliefs. We are but natural beings, and should take our place amongst the rest with gratitude.